[ This was supposed to be good to hear. If Krouse thinks that she's human, then Noelle can defer to him. She can take comfort in the fact that her disease is wrong, that there are people who look at her and don't see something disgusting or in need of pruning.
It doesn't work like that. Of course it doesn't. Neither of them have ever been lucky. Krouse's apology burrows its way into Noelle's heart, and it wrenches it open.
When did he realize he was pretending? Was it only after Noelle died? Was that what she needed to do, all this time, so that the rest of them would be kind to her again? She'd told them all she didn't want to be a memory, but maybe that wasn't her choice to make.
He's saying this all too late. In another world, maybe it would have mattered. In this one, Noelle starts to feel the first twinges of hunger. She'll see if he really means any of this when the hunger gets worse, when it becomes difficult to sit still and polite and wait for the next slab of meat like a dog.
Noelle lets go of her arm. She wraps them both around what's left of her stomach, as if she can make it quiet down for a little longer. That's one thing they both have in common, she and Krouse. They're just looking to buy a little more time. ]
Yeah. [ Noelle agrees, solemn and soft. ] You shouldn't have.
[ The vial wasn't his fault. The skills he picked up in the Birdcage can be his secret. But this is the one thing Noelle isn't sure she's ready to forgive, not in her first hours of freedom: he put her in a cage, and he told her everything was going to be okay.
Noelle looks at the peaceful woods and sloping hills, away from Krouse and however he needs to feel. He never wanted to feel that much in front of her, Noelle is fairly certain. That's okay. She understands. ]
I'm going to the river. [ Noelle says, quiet and decisive, like it's a strategy. ] I don't know how much time I have before I get - worse. Again.
You can keep me company. If you still want to.
[ He treated her like a monster, an advancing sickness that only consumed instead of thought. But he also kept her company. He was the only one who kept her company, in the end. ]
cw: eating disorder, ableism, dehumanization, suicide
It doesn't work like that. Of course it doesn't. Neither of them have ever been lucky. Krouse's apology burrows its way into Noelle's heart, and it wrenches it open.
When did he realize he was pretending? Was it only after Noelle died? Was that what she needed to do, all this time, so that the rest of them would be kind to her again? She'd told them all she didn't want to be a memory, but maybe that wasn't her choice to make.
He's saying this all too late. In another world, maybe it would have mattered. In this one, Noelle starts to feel the first twinges of hunger. She'll see if he really means any of this when the hunger gets worse, when it becomes difficult to sit still and polite and wait for the next slab of meat like a dog.
Noelle lets go of her arm. She wraps them both around what's left of her stomach, as if she can make it quiet down for a little longer. That's one thing they both have in common, she and Krouse. They're just looking to buy a little more time. ]
Yeah. [ Noelle agrees, solemn and soft. ] You shouldn't have.
[ The vial wasn't his fault. The skills he picked up in the Birdcage can be his secret. But this is the one thing Noelle isn't sure she's ready to forgive, not in her first hours of freedom: he put her in a cage, and he told her everything was going to be okay.
Noelle looks at the peaceful woods and sloping hills, away from Krouse and however he needs to feel. He never wanted to feel that much in front of her, Noelle is fairly certain. That's okay. She understands. ]
I'm going to the river. [ Noelle says, quiet and decisive, like it's a strategy. ] I don't know how much time I have before I get - worse. Again.
You can keep me company. If you still want to.
[ He treated her like a monster, an advancing sickness that only consumed instead of thought. But he also kept her company. He was the only one who kept her company, in the end. ]