( quentin trails off, and the silence for a moment is enough to get julian's attention. because it's quentin. he doesn't do quiet. his brow ticks up but he's still only half paying attention to what's going on in real time versus going through every goddamn mistake he's made on the way to this exact moment while excusing a good two thirds of them because he did what he thought was right and there wasn't another way, what else was he supposed to do?
but, it's likely julian's own spiraling guilt, anger, resentment, depressed acceptance, that lets quentin get away with reading him without pissing off julian immediately, because he doesn't clock it. and it's being distracted that also lets quire grab onto him before julian can muster up a sour expression and shove him off. because by the time he gets there, his face is already being shoved down against quentin's shoulder and julian's leaning into him. he's breathing in slowly through his nose. closing his eyes for a minute. )
Fuck.
( everything sucks. it all hurts and it's never going to stop hurting and maybe, just maybe they - no, you know what? he's not thinking about it, he's not going to let himself get stuck on this bullshit right now, not while they're still here. aphaia isn't the place to lose his shit, especially when there's more than one person around here depending on him. he's just going to - give himself five seconds, maybe, to not have to hold it together. five seconds, that's it. of this before he shoves quire and tells him off for being so touchy and weird. )
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but, it's likely julian's own spiraling guilt, anger, resentment, depressed acceptance, that lets quentin get away with reading him without pissing off julian immediately, because he doesn't clock it. and it's being distracted that also lets quire grab onto him before julian can muster up a sour expression and shove him off. because by the time he gets there, his face is already being shoved down against quentin's shoulder and julian's leaning into him. he's breathing in slowly through his nose. closing his eyes for a minute. )
Fuck.
( everything sucks. it all hurts and it's never going to stop hurting and maybe, just maybe they - no, you know what? he's not thinking about it, he's not going to let himself get stuck on this bullshit right now, not while they're still here. aphaia isn't the place to lose his shit, especially when there's more than one person around here depending on him. he's just going to - give himself five seconds, maybe, to not have to hold it together. five seconds, that's it. of this before he shoves quire and tells him off for being so touchy and weird. )