[ maybe this would have been good news a couple of years ago. maybe less than that. at least when ivan was still alive, before round six. the night before would have even worked. he could have asked till to run away again. it wouldn’t have been easy. it might not have even worked. it wouldn’t be just a garden they’d need to escape from at that point.
but… he’s learning this now. right now. in this strange place, where ivan is somehow alive when he should not be.
his last thoughts bounce around and echo in his mind. should have been kinder, becoming a trauma, miserable, sorry—…
ivan's eyes are wild as he’s forced to take in and process this information. how can three words be so life-shattering? till is crying, still. now ivan is realizing that he’s part of the reason— something he never thought possible.
he isn’t supposed to be important enough for till to do that. till didn’t care enough.
till… did care enough. he’s trying to hug ivan. how can any of this be? how could ivan mess up so terribly? ]
I wasn’t better. [ his voice is uneven, quiet, at first; the strained whisper of someone's last defenses falling apart. he pivots, suddenly, and gasps out a laugh. he brings his hands up to push at till’s shoulders, push him away. it’s more of a gentle urging away; ivan doesn’t have the energy to do it with any sort of force, all of the strength has left his body with this unwelcome information. ] I wasn’t better than her at all.
no subject
but… he’s learning this now. right now. in this strange place, where ivan is somehow alive when he should not be.
his last thoughts bounce around and echo in his mind. should have been kinder, becoming a trauma, miserable, sorry—…
ivan's eyes are wild as he’s forced to take in and process this information. how can three words be so life-shattering? till is crying, still. now ivan is realizing that he’s part of the reason— something he never thought possible.
he isn’t supposed to be important enough for till to do that. till didn’t care enough.
till… did care enough. he’s trying to hug ivan. how can any of this be? how could ivan mess up so terribly? ]
I wasn’t better. [ his voice is uneven, quiet, at first; the strained whisper of someone's last defenses falling apart. he pivots, suddenly, and gasps out a laugh. he brings his hands up to push at till’s shoulders, push him away. it’s more of a gentle urging away; ivan doesn’t have the energy to do it with any sort of force, all of the strength has left his body with this unwelcome information. ] I wasn’t better than her at all.